I've been up exactly 24 hours now. Getting grades ready. Cause we have a one day deadline.

......... yeah ...........

It's hard just typing.

I lost some blank grade sheets, so I couldn't grade papers for a while back around 2 or 3 am or so. Saint Anthony and Jesus must love me. Or they must have realized how desperate I was. Cause I said the prayer and there they were.

Okay, this as a tactic to keep me awake is not working.

One more class. . .

It's Phlegmatic V. today.

Teaching, as a career, is so bi-polar. Or maybe I am.

One day you're so frustrated because you can't get a single student to understand one single, simple concept.

And in the next week, the students miraculously get it. The light bulb goes off. The Eureka! is screamed. The epiphany is had.

I have been preaching in my Comp. I classes all semester about certain concepts. And in 4 out of 5 essays, no one really got it. Until the last one. They all got it. They finally got it. Insert happy bootay dance. I'm not saying this to brag. But I feel like my students are a reflection of how well I teach; if they don't get it, I didn't teach it well enough. (Well, to some extent. I understand you can only give the information so many times until the responsibility of learning is transferred to the student).

And actually, as frustrating as these students were and as much "tough love" as I had to give them, I think I'll miss this group of students. I had one student say, "This has been a really fun class. I think I'll miss it."

Another girl gave me a Christmas card. (Turns out, she goes to church with me because I recognized the Saint on the card).

Another girl on her way out said, "See you for Comp. II!"

I still honestly don't know if this was supposed to be my vocation or not; I sort of haphazardly stumbled into it. But it's days like today that make me feel better about my choice.

So often though, I forget to say thanks in my prayers.

Lord, thank you for these kind and encouraging words from these students. Please give me the strength to continue teaching, and please give me encouragement if this is my vocation.

It's melancholic V. today.

I've been neglectful; I know. It's just I feel like I have nothing profound enough to post. But here's something that's troubling me.

Today, I took up short story papers. We read Flannery O'Connor's "A Good Man Is Hard to Find." If you haven't read her, she is one of the best Catholic writers of the 20th century, and I highly recommend any Catholic at least have a working knowledge of her body of literature.

In case you haven't read this story, a short synopsis goes like this: A selfish grandmother is going on vacation from Georgia to Florida with her son, his wife, and their two bratty children. However, the Grandmother wants to visit Tennessee and see an old Plantation home. It is also mentioned that the serial killer the Misfit is roaming the countryside.

Eventually, the grandmother tells a conscious lie in order to get her way. Going off the paved road causes the family to have a wreck. A carload of guys comes along, and the grandmother is faced to make a choice: accept the moment of Grace offered and reconcile herself to God or not. I won't ruin the story for you, but let's say it's bittersweet.

What's troubling to me is this: I have a student in my class. This student is catholic. This student attends Sunday mass every Sunday. But this student argued the grandmother could not have been redeemed in his or her paper. This student argued there was no salvation or redemption for anyone in the story. And basically argued that O'Connor's Catholicism, much less her Christianity, was irrelevant. All my protestant students, however, got it. They really liked the story.

I would say this student is typical of the 18 and 19 year olds who attend St. Joe's. It's worrisome because these are the children who are growing up to be future lapsed or Cafeteria Catholics. (I hate using those terms because Catholic is supposed to mean universal and one, but it's true. Even Protestants have the ability to pick out the differences. A protestant lady labeled me a 'cradle' Catholic because I don't eat meat on Friday. It's sad when protestants can and do see the division within us. But, I digress). If these kids can't even see the possibility of redemption for a selfishly- motivated character in a fictional story, how can they even imagine redemption for themselves? Even more troubling, what do they really believe? Are they just going through the motions? Doing what mom and dad said to do? Do they really know the love of Jesus or is it just a superficial relationship? It breaks my heart to consider the answer to these questions.

Moreover, I feel like a failure as a teacher. One of the ways I can best witness the faith is to teach O'Connor, to educate the ignorant boys and girls, (some are even from our own flock! I once had to explain to a Catholic girl why we fasted before the Eucharist), about the Catholic faith. I never push it on them - I simply explain O'Connor's, the Catholic's, world view (with falling into sin, the moment of Grace experienced when repenting, and restoration and salvation of one's soul after confession and Eucharist) and let them ask the questions. However, if I can't even change the opinion or reach one of our own, what good am I? This is supposed to be my vocation. . .

It's like O'Connor once said about her stories and her wish for people to have a conversion of heart; "To the deaf, you yell. To the blind, you draw large and startling pictures." And I've done that in explaining her stories, the Faith, and how it all relates. I feel like I scream and draw easy to understand pictures about her stories and how they relate to the Faith in order to spark interest in it or even just to renew a Love and Faith in Jesus.

But what do you do when you encounter the deaf and dumb?

Turn your eyes to heaven and pray with hope.

Have faith that these people will come around.

Love them even more.

At least that is what I have to tell myself, lest I fall into despair.

Less than 3,

V.

Hello Blog.

Hello blog.

I think I shall take up the proverbial pen again. I think it's good for me. Moreover, I do have a few things to say, most of which are in regard to Catholicism and literature. And maybe a few things I've learned along the months I've been absent.

I won't promise regular updating, but I do promise sporadic, quality updates.

First up - Why I took off my Brown Scapular (And put it back on thanks to my protestant friends)

Why We Need Horror Films

We need to watch horror movies. In fact, both Stephen King and Flannery O'Connor (a devout Catholic) would say that we should be exposed to the grotesque and violent every so often. I know that for most people this train of thought seems contrary to Catholic teaching with the over abundance of certain elements in current horror movies, but hear me out.

The traditional horror-slasher flick usually has a few distinct features:

1. Main characters only survive because they don't break one of the ten commandments.

2. Characters who do break one of the ten commandments are killed.

3. The killer only kills according to those who break one of the ten commandments.

For the most part, most of your 80's slasher flicks fit this pattern.

Nightmare On Elm Street - Freddy abused kids. He comes back, and he kills the kids who have sex and disobey their parents.

Friday the 13th - Jason kills the teenagers having pre marital sex.

In addition, horror movies reassert the saving and protective power of Jesus Christ. In any movie about exorcism, the priest uses the Rite of Exorcism as well as the crucifix, Holy Water, and the power of Jesus' name. But we also see the power of the crucifix in other movies excluding exorcism. In Nightmare On Elm Street, the little girls chant "5, 6, get your crucifix." In one scene of that movie, the crucifix is the only thing that protects an amoral character from being massacred by Freddy.

Moreover, if the horror flick doesn't fit the typical "break God's law, you die" formula, then it supports the Catholic theology of "sometimes bad things happen to good people because we all have to suffer the consequences of sin."

Even more so, with the advent of the "Saw"franchise, we see that the "Saw" serial killer basically takes being God into his own hands, and though we feel empathy for him, you're still rooting for the main character opposing him to live because as a viewer, you know it's not right to kill another person. Although, in most of these movies, the opposing main character has also committed a sin that is usually exposed towards the end of the movie. Most of the main characters die in this franchise because they are given choices: save yourself or someone else. It's usually their pride and selfishness that cause them to die.

The only downside to horror movies is that the more films that are produced with just gore for gore's sake, sex for sex's sake, and torture for torture's sake. When film studios do this, the genre is being demeaned and is able to convince people that "it's just a movie; it has no real world application."

All of this is to say: Horror movies are good for us in doses. They remind of us of our mortality. They are the last stand in mass media and pop culture that is still relatively moral. Horror movies remind us that the supernatural, as well as evil, does exist in this Earthly life, people who commit sin will suffer the consequences, and sometimes, bad things happen to good people. And every time I watch one, I'm always sure to say a rosary before I go to sleep.

So, it's Friday the 13th. Go out and rent yourself a scary movie. Eat some popcorn. Root for the main, moral character to live. And be sure to say a rosary before sleeping and have a crucifix handy. :)

This blog...

This blog will probably be going on an indefinite hiatus. I still feel the tug to write, but I am just lacking in energy because I'm being pulled in eight different directions at all times it seems.

In addition to that, I just inherited a long-distance relationship, and those take a lot of energy. This move to a long distance relationship is not a surprise for me (as it may have been for some people when it was announced last Sunday). Heathcliff and I had been debating about this for a while, and recently, he was offered a classroom job, which is what he's been wanting. Moreover, Heathcliff prefers his hometown over this one (just as a city - he likes the people here), and I think he'll be much happier there.

It hasn't been easy to come to this decision. In fact, I went over to his house about three Sundays ago and informed him that I was giving him an ultimatum: marry or break up. After that, we didn't speak for four or five days, taking some time to think separately from one another. After resuming talking and it becoming apparent that he had no choice but to move, I came to the conclusion (which I shared with him) that this is only going to prove, once and for all, if we are compatible or not (which is what has been keeping him from marrying me in the first place).

There are two types of couples when it comes to long distance relationships: those who have a strong bond and those who have a weak bond. If we have a strong bond, we'll be just fine and probably grow even closer due to the separation. However, if we have a weak bond, we'll fall flat on our faces. I told Heathcliff that this is the last chance, the last straw and that if the relationship doesn't work this time, that's it; I'm done, I'm out. He said he understood and agreed. Contrary to how I may have looked last Sunday (no one likes their significant other leaving), I am very much in a good place. I'm comfortable knowing that if things fall apart, they were meant to fall apart, and if things get better, they were meant to get better.

So, feel free to check back periodically for sporadic entries, but just know that I probably won't be posting that regularly anymore. But I definitely will be lurking, reading, and commenting!

Blah.

I haven't signed in in ages. I still intend on writing, but I don't know. I just don't have it in me currently.

These days I'm spending more time in my head than actually trying to write down and sort out what is in my head.

Also, my energies have been redirected to other places. Namely, it's the start of a new school semester, moving, writing, and reading.

Also, I had a mole removed. I'll know in a week if it was cancerous or not for sure, but the doc said he was pretty sure it wasn't! Thank God! Because when I was telling the nurse about it to make the appointment, she said that it sounded quite serious and had me quite scared.

Anyway, that's all I can think to type at the moment. I'm about to collapse if I don't get a nap.

less than three. V.