My Nana Died Today.

And I am beside myself.  She either lived next door or with us for most of my life. It was only when I went to grad school that I didn't see her as much.

Growing up, I always thought it sucked to have two mothers. One mother that was biological and sometimes treated me more as a sister, and my grandmother, who taught me how to sew, set a table, make a bed, bake a pie, and play solitaire. This is the woman who encouraged me to dream of travel, big cities, bright lights, musicals, and to get an education. As time went on and my Nana's condition declined, my mother stepped in and actually started "mothering" me. Oddly enough, I think this is exactly how it needed to be all along. I don't think my mother was actually mature enough for a child when she had one, and I think she needed time to grow into it. It was only when she started taking care of my Nana that we started gelling well as mother and daughter. Now, that I think about it, I was actually lucky to have two mothers, even as difficult as it might have been at times or how much my angsty teenage self proclaimed I hated it.

I never got to say goodbye. It. just. happened. No one in the family had time to say goodbye. No one made it there in time it happened so quickly. And it's so sad because I know she told me once that she wanted someone to hold her hand.

Father John has said before that he doesn't like it when people say, "Oh, it was just his or her time to go. It was God's plan." I wholeheartedly agree. This wasn't God's plan. One of the consequences of sin was death. Death, leaving one another behind, this was not His intentions at all. He originally put us in a paradise with no diseases like Alzheimer's. No need for things or people to pass away. We did this to ourselves, and now we answer for it.

But that's the beauty of Heaven, right? That paradise can be restored. That we can be healed of infirmaries. That things and people can last. That all of us will agree that God is good, God is great.  And if there is anything I needed right before Lent to remind me how great the promise of Heaven is, well, as awful as it sounds, maybe this is the reminder I needed.

Eternal rest grant unto Jamie J., O Lord, 
and let perpetual light shine upon her. 
May she rest in peace.

Amen. 

Hi. I'm still alive.

And out here in cyberspace. I really dont have much to report of as of late. Spiritually or life wise.

I took care of the drama. I told some people if you're going to keep acting the way you do, I'll be nice to you but I'm not going to tolerate people who lie to me and talk crap about me behind my back as friends.  Needless to say, they're cut out of my life now. And I'm much better off for it.

School has started back and these kids seem so much nicer than last semester's.

Had lunch with Ireland's sister in which I received my good rosary back. Bless that girl! She had to go into his room to find it. Also learned that he lied like 12582397643-8u634-0u60-349u63-4906ydjshgadjf times to me. (And that's no exaggeration).

And then I kid you not, as soon as I felt at peace about that situation, I met another guy at the bar the next day.

His pick up line was "Hi. I'm The Ginger. You're super cute."  And he ran off another guy who tried to pick me up that night. And he asked for my number three times that night. And he asked me on a date. And I told him no, I wasn't any ordinary girl and he'd have to work hard to get me. And he's stuck around. And then for the entire next week he asked for my number, so I finally said yes. And now I keep getting asked for a date, but he says "I'll stick around in any capacity possible so long as I get to hang around you." Right now he knows he's in the friend space because he knows I have trust issues, but I kinda like this kid. Like, I might even like him more than the last one.

Church is good, I guess. I've heard quite a few things from the pulpit that disturb me,  and I've seen quite a few practices that upset me. I signed up to teach catechism to 7-12 grades because I figure it's the least I can do with my teaching skills for the church. And all the old people love me. They're so amazed at a 25 year old coming to daily mass. I just want to look at them and say "This is parish is dead as far as the youth is concerned." But I know why they're there. They're praying for their children and their grandchildren.  I had one old man told me seeing my face in daily mass gave him hope for his kids. I didn't even realize my mass attendance could do that.

I want to come back to St. Joe's soon. I miss you guys! But I won't be able to as I won't get paid for another two months.  But when I do, I'm coming to visit!

The Job Thing

Thank you to all who prayed for me to get this full time position where I currently work.

Unfortunately, I was turned down.

I really think this is my sign that teaching is not my vocation. What is my vocation? Heck if I know.

Sunday, Sunday

Ahhh!

Roller coaster of emotions here.

First, the interview went well. I'm not going to say I have the job, but I think I have a good chance. But I've arrived at the fact that I'll be okay one way or the other.

I didn't have the gas to drive to mass in Starkville today (can someone please recap me on the adult catechism class?), so I walked to Annunciation instead.

There are both good things and bad things.

The good: the music is beautiful, and the cantors are great.
The bad: We didn't sing the Gloria. Who doesn't sing the Gloria?!?!

The good: People are quiet before mass.
The bad: When you enter, instead of dipping your fingers in the Holy Water font, everyone takes a host (with a pair of tongs, no less) and tosses it in a bowl of holy water. *shudders* There is something very wrong to me about moving a host around with tongs and my hands touching those tongs not being a priest. So much so with my happy chemicals all out of whack, I started tearing up as I found a seat in the pews.  My question is this a normal practice or is this atypical?

The good: People go and pray before the tabernacle before mass.
The bad: The tabernacle is behind an alcove and not dead and center.

The good: The altar servers are seemingly well-trained.
The bad: One of them repeatedly dropped the altar linens.  I'm going to chalk it up to nervousness.

And lastly, are extraordinary ministers allowed to pour the precious Blood into the chalices? Because they certainly did today, and it kinda horrified me. I feel like that part of the preparation should be left to the priest.

And now, for the fun part:

This middle-aged woman had been staring me down all mass and made me feel really uncomfortable.  On my way walking back to the apartment, she stopped to ask me if I was new, how serious of a Catholic I was, how old I was, where I was from, and what I did for a living, and could I please pray for her sons because she can't get them to mass but she'd really like for us to meet. I had a nice chat with her, and she said she looked forward to seeing me at mass more often.

I looked them up on facebook; one's two years older, and the other is two years younger. And they are both CUTE.  Who knows - maybe they'll come to mass soon.

Thanks Be To God! 

Hello Blog.

Hello blog.

I think I shall take up the proverbial pen again. I think it's good for me. Moreover, I do have a few things to say, most of which are in regard to Catholicism and literature. And maybe a few things I've learned along the months I've been absent.

I won't promise regular updating, but I do promise sporadic, quality updates.

First up - Why I took off my Brown Scapular (And put it back on thanks to my protestant friends)