Let Me Be a Dog, Then

Okay, so I found the word I was looking for in the last post.

God humiliated me.

And I don't mean in the modern sense of the word "to make ashamed or injure one's dignity." No, I mean that God knocked me off my high horse about what I thought I knew was best for me. God humbled me through humiliation.

It all kind of became clear after hearing the Gospel Sunday at mass, (which ironically enough, Father prepares quite well for Sunday homilies) and reading this.

I really, really did like this kid, Ireland. And after the quick split, all I could do was pray that it work out. To which it seemed God was completely ignoring me.   And then, the answer seemed to become "No! I said No. What part of NO don't you understand?"

And then finally, I had two instances of seeing the boy around town. And though I thought I would be okay and be able to act all grown up and over it; instead, I freaked out and panicked. God gave me what I asked for to show me that I really don't know what's best for me.

And all the while, the things I've prayed for have been terribly selfish while other people in the parish and via facebook have been asking me to pray for them. I should have been using my mass intentions for them and not my own selfish reasons. Then again, I do want to continue to pray for his return to Catholicism because I believe that is best for him. So I will probably persist in asking this for completely different reasons.

And it seems that after realizing that God is enough, and just being appreciative of Him,  I realize my prayers are going to get nowhere if I don't humble myself and give Him homage.

The Canaanite woman was called a dog by Our Lord.
Let me be then, a dog.
Loyal to my Master, and grateful for the One who provides for me, cares for me, and loves me.
And if I ask for anything else, and He gives it to me...

Hey, thats just a bonus then.  :)