I can't wait for payday

It's emo time again. I can't wait for payday.  The first thing I will do is schedule my appointment with my doctor and refill my prescriptions. Because of my lack of paycheck and insurance, I can't afford my prescription for my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills. And I can most definitely tell a difference after being off them for two months. I've stared crying again for no reason.  Monday I slept all day and couldn't get out of the bed. Tuesday I wanted to sleep all day again, but the only reason I didn't is because of work. I don't feel like doing my work. I don't feel like cleaning. I just want to sit and sleep. I forced myself to go to wal-mart today and almost had a panic attack.  No particular reason, it's just wal-mart gives me the creeps, and even though I know they weren't, I felt like everyone was staring at me and following me.  The only time I feel a bit better is when I'm around friends, but most of the time, I just want to sit and sleep and do nothing.

The good thing is this time around, I realize this is not normal. I can tell this is the depression.  I can do things like eat good meals and exercise, but that only goes so far. I know there is a lot of debate out there about psychotropic medication, but I believe with me, it truly does help.

Medicine and willpower only do so much though.  At some point, you have to give it over to God.

And then only thing I can reason is that maybe God hands us troublesome situations or problems simply to teach us to rely on him to carry our burdens.  Maybe we aren't supposed to learn anything else other than that. Just the simple idea that God is enough, and He is more than enough.

If that's the case, then I'm kinda glad I have been diagnosed with chronic depression because it means I'll be constantly relying on God to the end of my days.