My Nana Died Today.

And I am beside myself.  She either lived next door or with us for most of my life. It was only when I went to grad school that I didn't see her as much.

Growing up, I always thought it sucked to have two mothers. One mother that was biological and sometimes treated me more as a sister, and my grandmother, who taught me how to sew, set a table, make a bed, bake a pie, and play solitaire. This is the woman who encouraged me to dream of travel, big cities, bright lights, musicals, and to get an education. As time went on and my Nana's condition declined, my mother stepped in and actually started "mothering" me. Oddly enough, I think this is exactly how it needed to be all along. I don't think my mother was actually mature enough for a child when she had one, and I think she needed time to grow into it. It was only when she started taking care of my Nana that we started gelling well as mother and daughter. Now, that I think about it, I was actually lucky to have two mothers, even as difficult as it might have been at times or how much my angsty teenage self proclaimed I hated it.

I never got to say goodbye. It. just. happened. No one in the family had time to say goodbye. No one made it there in time it happened so quickly. And it's so sad because I know she told me once that she wanted someone to hold her hand.

Father John has said before that he doesn't like it when people say, "Oh, it was just his or her time to go. It was God's plan." I wholeheartedly agree. This wasn't God's plan. One of the consequences of sin was death. Death, leaving one another behind, this was not His intentions at all. He originally put us in a paradise with no diseases like Alzheimer's. No need for things or people to pass away. We did this to ourselves, and now we answer for it.

But that's the beauty of Heaven, right? That paradise can be restored. That we can be healed of infirmaries. That things and people can last. That all of us will agree that God is good, God is great.  And if there is anything I needed right before Lent to remind me how great the promise of Heaven is, well, as awful as it sounds, maybe this is the reminder I needed.

Eternal rest grant unto Jamie J., O Lord, 
and let perpetual light shine upon her. 
May she rest in peace.

Amen.