A Round-About Thank You

It's been rough lately, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, emotionally and financially. Payday is around the corner, and I'm very excited for it.

This weekend has been a mix of emotions for me - mostly between total apathy, frustration, and satisfaction.  I've had a few crying spells, slept straight for a few days. I've tried to help myself by forcing myself to get up and do things, but it's only so effective. Good news is the makers of my medicine will provide my it to me as a charity since I don't have insurance!

Thursday, I sent a link via email to Heathcliff in order to open up a dialogue with him to tell him that I found a keepsake of his.  I wanted to say, "hey I know this is important to you. Let me send it back."  Instead, the response I got (verbatim) was, "Hey. Thanks. This [link] is great. Hope all is well or better or something."  I don't know if he meant for it to cut or not; at least, I'm trying hard to give him the benefit of the doubt.  I feel like he tries to pretend I didn't exist or happen, which is not fair.  I exist; we were together. I admit it to potential dates if they ask; I feel like he should be able to as well, even if he does feel I was a huge mistake.

Friday I was accused by my landlord of stealing quarters out of the coin operated laundry machine.  I've never been accused of such a thing in my life. I was flabbergasted. I tried to explain my side (apparently the machine is broke because I always fed it quarters, but it wouldn't take them), but she didn't buy my story, and she wants me to back pay her for laundry since June, so I think I'll be moving soon.  (She also has rationed our water usage to washing dishes once a week and baths once a day, even though we pay for it in rent, and we do this anyway). :\

I've pretty much decided as of late that I want out of my profession.  I am not cut out to be a teacher.  In addition, my boss confided in my that there won't be another open position for another 2-3 years.  I've set my sights on the publishing industry.  Of course, when I'm feeling low and lonely, I call my mom for reassurance, but it didn't do much good to talk to her this weekend.  I really wasn't met with much reassurance or support.  Or comfort really.  Which is why I think I blog it all out.

Today, I went to mass, and I'm a CYO Leader. It was a good time and actually made me smile and laugh (and it's funny how these days I'm quite aware of when I smile and laugh).  But God has a funny sense of humor or else He really wants me to learn humility.  I'm sure you all remember my story back in May about a certain boy and his certain ex-girlfriend.  Her younger sister was in my CYO group tonight. Ha! I like the kid though.  She's alright.

I want you all to know that I appreciate you reading my blog.  I'm thankful for the times you have fed me, spent time with me, talked to me, and been friends with me. Somedays, I feel like I don't have very many people in my corner, even my own family at times.  I just want you to know that I'm very thankful to have people like you in my life, and I hope someday to pay it forward.