Using the New Technology to Evangelize

I am a child of a generation who has always had a cell phone. I am a child who grew up with free reign over internet usage, chat rooms, television, and video games. I've seen the advent of e-mail, to chat rooms, to texting. In my job, I see textbooks becoming electronic and classrooms being conducted via the internet. Technology is an intergal part of my lifestyle, no matter how hard I try to remove myself from it.

The same is happening to a new generation of children as well. More and more, I see young children given play 'cell phones' just as we once gave young girls play 'babies.' Parents give their children pretend laptops and video game consoles, prepping them for later in life when they receive their first real cell phone, their first video game, and their first laptop.

Technology is invading our every aspect of life, and we shouldn't resist it but embrace it. Granted, if not closely watched and utilized in a temperate manner, technology can get quite out of hand and do more harm than good. However, I do believe there is much good that can come from technology as long as you use it and do not let it use you. (J constantly argues that all technology is bad. I've had fun presenting the following information to him and watching his reaction).

I am an apple mac/iPhone user. I love my iPhone. And while I don't have many apps on my iPhone, most of them are free and practical. I've got one program that scans barcodes of items at the grocery store and tells me if the item (say like printer ink) is available cheaper on the internet or at competitor's store in my area and for how much. I've got another that turns my phone into an electronic coupon that cashier's can scan while I'm at the grocery store checking out. But by far, my favorite are those apps that help me spiritually. Below are my favorites:

Catholic Mass Times: Using the faux GPS in the iPhone, this app finds where you are on a map, pulls up all possible Catholic churches in the area and gives you the mass times! Moreover, it brings up phone numbers, directions, and tells you whether or not the mass is in Latin or there are special services such as First Fridays or First Saturdays. Moreover, it gives you the readings for the day, and if your church is hip to the news, if it does a live broadcast of mass, then you can watch it from your phone with this app.

iBreviary: This app is great for those of us who forget to stick a prayer book in their purse some mornings. The iBreviary is exactly that - an electronic breviary. You've got the Office of readings, Lauds, Daytime, Vespers, and Compline prayers. You get daily mass readings as well as a listing of staple Catholic prayers (Ave Maria, Our Father, The Angelus, Hail Holy Queen, Magnificat, The Creed, Acts of Faith, Hope, Charity, Contrition, and the Consecration Prayer of the Brown Scapular). Moreover, if you're feeling frisky, you can change the vernacular from English (Spanish/Italian/French) to Latin. :)

iConfess: This is probably my most used app. Some weeks, I don't get a chance to spend a good hour reflecting on the week. This app is handy if you're driving, waiting for a table to get some lunch, or just where ever. It's just a simple tool to help a person examine his or her consciousness via The Ten Commandments, The Seven Deadly Sins, Sins against Heaven, Confession, the Holy Spirit, the Precepts of the Catholic Church, and Nine ways to be an accessory to other's sins. If I find myself pressed to go to confession, but I don't have an hour to spare, I can start with one tab, and the app lists several questions to ask myself. If I answer yes to anything, I hit the TAG button at the bottom of the screen. When I close the app, the number of topics I've tagged will come up in a red bubble reminding me, "hey you, get your butt to a booth!" When I open the app, it instantly displays what topics I tagged on the home screen, so I can quickly recall what sins I committed.

I'll post pictures in a bit of what these apps look like, but I think they're quite handy. They are all available the iTunes store (free) for less than 5.00. And while they are more expensive than most apps out there, if we use these apps to help us grow spiritually, then we are dealing with the eternal salvation of one's soul, and there's no price on that.

P.S. Upon further review, J is almost convinced to get an iPhone.

To the Missions?

Something crazy is happening to me: I'm falling in love with the idea of being a lay mission volunteer. As a job. For a living.

This idea was totally, totally unexpected, and of course, I have to do more thinking and praying, but the desire to just "do it" is continually growing.

There is a great site called Catholic Volunteer Network Service, and if you've never looked at it, I think you should! It lists all the Catholic missions in the US who accept lay volunteers and the places they minister to. Most of these missions are run by nuns, friars, jesuits, priests, etc. They help the poor and impoverished. They help women and children. You can choose from programs that last for a week up to two years. Most programs will accept married couples with no children. Lots of missions will give you a stipend, health insurance, and a place to live, usually among the religious you are working for. Throughout the year, the programs offer retreats and courses in which you can grow spiritually. I think if you're looking to do something for the summer or spring break, you should definitely look into one of these programs.

As a young person, I was rather idealistic. I thought, if I'm not helping others, I'm not helping myself. I used to volunteer a lot through organizations at school. Somehow, I lost that attitude when I got to college. Probably because everyone was breathing down my neck telling me I needed "to be a strong, independent, self-realized woman who could make her own money and way in life" and that "I didn't need no man." What silly advice. I realize those people had the best intentions, but really...

When I look around at my situation now compared to the people I would be helping, I think, "well, crap. I don't have it great, but I don't have it bad either." It was almost as if a burden had been lifted from me right then. I think, with the exception of a few, few things which are really just sentimental, if my house were to burn down, I'd be upset over the loss of my "things," but I wouldn't miss them. I wouldn't spend my life going about trying to replace them (maybe my degrees and my baptismal certificate). I could give away all my "things," and I would be ok. I pretty much live on next to nothing right now, and if I was given a place to live (which is half of all my bills) and food to eat (which these places provide), I could do it. I almost feel as if God is saying, "HEY SILLY, this is why you can't get a job. This is why I've been taking material things away from you. I've been preparing you for a life poverty and charity."

Moreover, the opportunities for me as a teacher are increased as well. Lots of programs offer the ability to work in a university or Catholic school setting with children who are living in impoverished areas, are in need of food, and are in need of education because their parents don't teach them English. I can only imagine how great it would be to teach a child like this (most of these schools are one-to-one learning). I have no joy in my job because I do care if my students learn or not; they don't. The average public school kid comes from a working class family and sees education as a right, not a privilege, and this mentality effects their classroom performance. But for these children, education is still a privilege. Granted, there would probably be a few exceptions as there is with anything, I think on the whole, most of these children would be overjoyed and excited to learn. I would be overjoyed and excited to teach children like that.

The more and more I think about this, the more I can't help but smile and feel joy, which is a very welcomed feeling considering how I've been feeling for the past couple of days. The weird thing about it is, I never would have considered this an option had J not brought up the idea of him becoming a priest again (<---- yes, you read that right. J is considering the priesthood. This is a major reason why we aren't married yet). It was originally sort of a backup plan if he does finally decide to go off to seminary to get me past myself, to get out of this city, and to force me out of my own self misery (because I know I would wallow in it) having to serve others who are less fortunate that I have been in my life. But the more I think about it, the more I think I might do it regardless of the outcome because, well, I just want to. I want to live a quiet life with brothers and sisters. I want to give to people who don't have much. I'm sure my parents will throw a fit and call me crazy again. They are so proud that I have my masters and work in a college. It would break their heart if I left, but they just don't understand a Catholic life. Oh well. Wouldn't be the first time. Probably won't be the last. I'll probably just look like the crazy nuts, liberal arts, bohemian child that they (mistakenly) had. (I kid!)

Which this is all so funny because while I was at the shrine, for no particular reason other than they didn't have Saint Veronica (see station 6 of Stations of the cross), and I think we are very similar in attitudes, I bought a Saint Therese of Lisieux medal who is none other than the patron saint of the missions! So I suppose I should end this with a small petition to her.

Saint Therese of Lisieux, Patron Saint of the Missions, pray for us!

Incoherent Ramblings

Warning: this post will not make much sense, nor should it. I'm just emptying my brain and heart out so I can sleep some tonight. Feel free to skip this post.

April is either going to be an extremely joyful or extremely painful month for me because that's when a big decision will be made.

For now, I'm in a weird place. Live life normally, hope for the best, be prepared for the worst.

All I can tell myself is increase the sacraments and increase prayer. Now is not the time to be lax or fall off the wagon.

And Thank God (i mean that, literally and very reverently) that I do have Catholic friends because they will understand if it comes to be a certain way. Because everyone else I know can't and won't understand. Catholicism truly calls a person to a different mindset and a different way of life, and if you've ever tried explaining adoration or the meaning of suffering to a non-catholic, you know what I mean because trying to explain a Catholic lifestyle to a non-Catholic person is like talking to a brick wall.

And even though I'm uncertain about what's going to happen, I'm really not worried about it. Because I know I'm taken care of and because God loves me. Before I converted, I used to flip out without a plan, and I think it was because I knew I had no one but myself. But I'm not experiencing that fear right now. I'm confident that I will be ok because I do have Jesus.

I was really blessed today. I was not alone. Had I spent the day at my house, I think I would have found a bottle of wine, drank it all, and cried myself to sleep. But instead, I was able to play with kids and hold babies. Babies and kids love you no matter what. They give you kisses and hugs and giggles. You can't help but be happy around babies and kids. That was probably the best remedy and biggest help for me today. Also telling someone was good for me. I think if I had kept it to myself, I really would have cried all day.

Come to think about it, Easter would be an appropriate time for this decision to be made. Death and Resurrection are the themes of the season. This decision, either way when you think about it, involves Death and Resurrection in both outcomes. How funny our lives are. Oddly enough, I have some sort of peace right now, knowing that at Easter, I will be experiencing my own death and resurrection right along with Jesus.

Truly, we are not alone in our struggles.

Goodnight cyberspace. Sweet dreams.

less than 3,

V

Prayers

Please pray for a special intention that I have. I would really appreciate it.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Told you I was saving a good one!

Praise Be to God

J and I went on a little day trip/adventure today. we went to the Our Lady of the Angels Monastery and shrine in Hanceville, Alabama today.

It was a wonderful day! So blessed. Really, truly, so blessed. And I got to do two things on my "Catholic bucket list." (My Catholic bucket list are things I want to do as a Catholic before I die).

I was able to check off lighting a candle and offering a prayer (which I now realize I can do at St. Joe's) AND I got to confess in a pre-vatican II style confessional. LIKE THE MOVIES! YESSSSSS.

Anyway, more to report and pictures tomorrow. I must say my prayers before I fall asleep and can't say them.

Needless to say, this trip was exactly what I needed to get me ready for Spiritual Break.

Mobile Blogging

Cause I'm a tech nerd like that. :P

Expect updates on this post today with blogs, pictures, and maybe, if I can get J to agree to do it, video!

less than three,

V

Spring Break? --> Spiritual Break

Ok, so I've totally fallen off the wagon as I am apt to do. Work has caused somewhat of a minor meltdown in the last few weeks, and I've gipped God on hours of prayer for the retreat. As a result, I've been skipping out on Ignatius classes on Tuesday. The first week I was doing mid-terms; the second I was doing paper work that was given to me that day to be done before we let out for the week. I'm really tempted not to go back because I'm totally a slacker Catholic (maybe that should be the name of this blog! HA!) and I'm so far behind.

On the other hand, this is probably exactly what the enemy wants - an Ignatius Retreat Dropout. Or maybe I'm just hard headed cause my parents raised me not to be a quitter. Or maybe I feel like I just can't quit Jesus cause he would never quit on me. But here's my plan:

Turn Spring Break --> into --> Spiritual Break

I'm not that far behind, but I am behind a good amount of hours thanks to all the unexpected work I had to do in the last two weeks. I figure I can marathon it up this week (like a traditional retreat) and catch myself up. I still may not show up for tomorrow night's class, however, cause I still feel rather sheepish. I wouldn't want to present the image that I'm all caught up when I'm not.

Needless to say, I feel like I'm going to be running a spiritual marathon. I'm probably going to do three hours a day - morning, lunch, and evening. And I'm kicking the week off with confession in Hanceville at the Our Lady of the Angels Monastery and mass.

I feel like this entire thing is steering me towards my vocation. The few times I have been able to participate in an hour, it always seems to come back to my vocation. During one hour, I had the sudden realization that maybe, I can't seem to get full-time status is because this is not what God wants for me. Maybe this is just to get me by until I figure out what it is He wants me to do. That is terrifying in one aspect (that I will may not use a degree that I shelled out major money for) and amazing in another (that I have been provided for even though I'm not really doing what He wants yet).

Several weeks ago, when we first started the retreat, I had no idea what I was doing. Really, again, it was one of those things everyone else was doing, so I just did it because I thought "well I can only benefit from it." I was at adoration and doing the meditation when I just thought, "Lord, I don't even know what I want out of this. I don't even know what I want out of life, really. I just know I want to please you and join you in Heaven." Then the oddest thing happened. In my mind, I immediately began to think "John." Shrugging it off, I kept thinking about how I really, truly didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. Again, but louder, the voice in my head is saying, "John." Again, I thought, that's a funny thought and went back to previous thoughts. Finally, the voice in my head was just screaming, "John, john, john, john!" I looked up and my eyes immediately sat on the first numbers of the hymns from last Sunday - together, they were 15. Then, the voice started saying John 15. Pretty shaken at this point with no bible, I dug out my daily devotional and started flipping through the pages. At the bottom, there are always meditations, and John is pretty popular. I thought, "surely one of these will say something about John 15." Not even a second later after I had thought about that, a coupon I had stuck in the book fell out. I flipped to where it had been. I had read the right hand side page earlier; the left side had been blocked by the coupon. The left hand side's meditation was this - "Jesus usually asks us the obvious. What do you desire?" At the bottom of the page, the scriptural meditation was John 15! I was shocked. I thought, you got to be kidding me, right? I was just asking you this! (Astonished exclamation there, not sarcastic). I think I actually cried a bit. The other person there must have thought I was somewhat crazy or sentimental.

Since that point, I have continually been drawn back to thoughts of writing as a career. I honestly don't know what to do with all these realizations; I guess that is why I feel like I need to finish the retreat. I feel in my bones that God is trying to tell me something, but I'm letting all this other stuff get me distracted or discourage me. I've got to have the courage to finish, maybe on my own time frame, and I've got to take this free time this week and use it wisely. If I am a hermit and no fun to be around, please excuse me!

Most of all, as I stated earlier, Jesus wouldn't quit on me. He didn't NOT go to the cross after expressing that he really wished "this cup would pass from me (to paraphrase badly)." After all He's done for me, I can't quit on him. And I won't.

A Metaphysical Job Search

I should be asleep, considering I have to get up at 5:30 - 6:00ish tomorrow morning. But it's raining, I'm scared of thunder, and I'm up lesson planning anyway.

I spent my day teaching and my entire night filing paperwork that got dropped on me today, which is due before the break as well as preparing two lectures for tomorrow's classes. I have stacks and stacks of papers that need to be graded and filed into student files, but I won't make it there tonight.

In some ways, teaching is the most unrewarding job ever. You're never done. Never. There's always something to grade, some paperwork to file, some lecture to prepare, some student e-mail to respond to. You spend the days teaching and your nights grading. Students don't care about learning even if you try to make it fun and informal. They see college in consumeristic terms; I bought the course, so give me a passing grade. And then if the teacher doesn't give them the best "customer service" (i.e. the customer is always right) then they get upset. Don't get me wrong - I DO love the people I work with. I could not ask to be in a better place, and I feel VERY blessed that I even have a job at all. But in terms of what I was meant to do, I'm not so sure if this was what God had picked out for me.

Most days I wonder if I'm in the right vocation. I do a decent job, but I really don't think I was cut out to be a teacher. I don't love it; I don't hate it. I'm just kind of like "meh, whatever." Don't get me wrong, there are moments when I walk away feeling good about it, but more often than not, I could really care less. I just became a teacher because that's what everyone said I should do, and my teachers told me I did well in English (that is subjectively, of course, when compared to my peers). That's pretty much been the story of my life. I just do whatever people tell me to because it would be good for me. Converting to Catholicism was something most people told me not to do, and it was probably the first thing I ever truly did for me, and the best thing I've done in my life so far.

Then I see things like my old thesis director has published a new book, and my heart sinks a little. Not because I'm jealous, but because I'm mad at myself for not trying harder or being more talented because that's what I really wanted to be when I grew up - I wanted to be a writer. But since my thesis, I can't even bring myself to read a book, much less pick one up or to try to write a story. Somehow, all the words have flown away from my head, and I feel as if I'll never get them back. Still, there is this deep, abiding desire to write. I find myself longing for my word processor but unable to face it.

I couldn't tell you if being a writer is my vocation. All I know is it's something I've wanted to do since I was young. I've been writing since I was thirteen. It seems to be all I know. And yet the whole thing seems so absolutely hopeless. Every time I sit myself down to write, I stare at a blinking cursor. I type, delete, retype, delete, and finally, shut down the computer because I think "I have no stories to tell anymore."

On a separate but related note, I feel guilty I haven't made it to the past two lenten retreats, but it seems like work is taking over my life. I totally spaced out on adoration tonight because I was filing paperwork. And I feel spiritually spent from this retreat. Joshua and I are pretty sure I'm ADD (no, seriously. I just refuse to go to the doctor because I don't want to take medicine), so sitting still for an hour for me is complicated enough without all of work bearing down on me. I just want spring break to get here, so I can be a vegetable, do nothing, think about nothing, but I know this is not a healthy attitude. I could probably have avoided this whole pitfall had I been keeping myself up spiritually, but sometimes, it's hard. I'm so easily distracted and discouraged.

But most of all, I have to wonder, if I'm the easily distracted type, is this he-who-shall-not-be-named's way of getting at me? If I really desire to be a writer, is all this other junk that's being thrown at me a diversionary tactic preventing me from finish the retreat? Are outside forces making me feel incompetent as a writer when I know I'm not?

Miss O'Connor, what would you tell me? I'm sure you're in Heaven, and if ever there were a patron saint of short story writers, it would be you. (SN: if you've never read Flannery O'Connor, you should. She is a prominent 20th century fiction writer from Georgia and a staunch Catholic with an amazing background).

And in my heart and head I feel this: Do not make decisions in desolation. Tonight I will ask God for forgiveness for being a slacker of a Catholic and letting Him down in so many ways these past couple of weeks. I will give all my sorrows about my vocation to him, not to complain, but to ask for support because I am spiritually weak and spent. I will resolve to do better in the coming weeks with His help. I will thank Him for all He has done and continues to do for me. And I will go to sleep, wake up, and try again tomorrow.