Communion: Do You Receive or Take?

This might seem trivial, even silly to some older Catholics who have been taking communion since they were seven, but I'm still a little unsure. And it seems at most masses lately, I've been getting "hit over the head with a frying pan" about which way I should receive communion.

In RCIA, Father taught us that we cup our hands, putting the hand we use on the bottom. Then to respond Amen and take our bottom hand and use it to put the host in our mouth. He also mentioned that the second way was to open our mouth and not to dangle our tongue like Gene Simmons.

I've watched very closely how people take communion ( though I don't do that anymore since I recently read you're supposed to be praying while you're waiting to receive. Something I did not learn in RCIA). Most people in our church do take communion cup style. It seems only those who are holding small children or who are more traditional receive in the mouth. I once saw a man licking the palm of his hand. Horrified, I asked Heathcliff, "What's that man doing?! Isn't that disrespectful?" He then asked me a series of questions I knew the answers to: What is he taking? The host. What do we believe about the Host? It's the full presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Is He present in every particle of it? Yes. When you take communion in the hands, could there be pieces of the host left on them? Here I paused, and I realized what the man was doing by licking his hands. He wasn't being disrespectful at all. In fact, the man was preventing possible abuses to Our Beloved Savior. By licking his hands, the man was getting any miniscule particles that might get trampled on by other communicants, stuck to the bottom of some person's shoe, or worse, swept up by the Church janitor and thrown into the garbage. To think of something like that happening, it breaks my heart.

Yet, I still take communion in the hand. I feel guilty about it too. Not guilty for taking communion, but guilty that I can't have the courage enough to take communion as I think I should. Part of it is peer pressure, part of it is rebellion. Everyone else takes communion in the hand, and I'll be in the minority. Heathcliff used to make a big deal about the way I take communion, and it really put me off from receiving communion in the mouth. Now, neither of these things is such a big deal. Now, it's just awkwardness that binds me. I psyche myself up on the way, I pray for the courage to do it, and when I do, it's awkward and unfulfilling. The Eucharistic ministers always makes a funny face like I'm blasting bad breath in their direction, or I'm asking too much of them to come near my mouth. Or maybe it's all in my head. But it certainly doesn't feel like it.

As I said before, lately, I've been hit over the head with signs that I need to stop with my hands. Almost after every mass for around a month (give or take), I see bit and pieces, and flakes of the Host remaining in my hand. And I carefully and lovingly gather each one, press it to my finger, and then press my finger to my tongue. But I can't help but think how many more pieces I missed before Heathcliff and I had that conversation.

One of my spiritual heroes, Mother Teresa, has an often mis-quoted quote, but it weighs heavily on my mind. (What follows is the correct quote). "Wherever I go in the whole world, the thing that makes me the saddest is watching people receive Communion in the hand." I feel that way about myself. And I think the conclusion that I've come to while writing this is this: I've been alternating using "taking" and "receiving" communion depending upon which way I'm describing. It hasn't been deliberate until the last portion of the entry. People who take communion themselves take communion in the hand. People who receive communion receive in the mouth. I've often heard it said that the Eucharist is a gift that Christ has left us; who are we to take it out of the minister's hands? Shouldn't we gracefully receive it, like the gift that it is?

Mantillas

Okay okay, two posts in one day. Bad Veronica. (Because this probably means I've already spent too much time on the interwebs).

BUT!

I just had to show you this website. I've often heard the case for the mantilla, and I do feel pulled toward it. I'm just hesitant to do so. I don't really know why. I guess I would feel extremely out of place or by wearing it, it's like I'm silently announcing "I'm more holy because I've got a mantilla on my head."

But really, I like wearing a veil because I'm ADD. And if I hear something, I look, and I get distracted from God and prayer. When I wear my mantilla, I am sure to pull it about 1/2 farther off my head so it acts like blinders one might put on a horse. Then, all I can see is the alter and the tabernacle, and I'm not so inclined to look at think, "man she shouldn't be wearing that at mass, " or "Could you people please not talk!??!"

Anyway, more to come on this later. I really need to do something productive. Though this website I think is a productive find.

http://www.mantillawithme.com/Welcome.html

http://mantillawithme.blogspot.com/

Quick Takes on a Wednesday!

I know this blog is getting neglected again, but I've been packing the house up and purging of unneeded and unwanted things. Here are a select few things I've been mulling over for posts.

1. Why Every Good Catholic Should Watch Bones

Bones is a t.v. show in a CSI format from an intelligent viewpoint. The main character is an atheistic forensic anthropologist. The science behind the cases and anthropological details are quite sound (anthropology would have been my major had I thought I could hack it as an archeologist). Moreover though, the ever lovable FBI special agent, Seely Booth, is a hardcore Catholic. And while he does falter and sin, (which only makes him more lovable to see that he's being portrayed as a fully human character unlike many archetypal characters on this CSI shows), he vehemently defends the Faith, the Church, the Holy Father, the case for God, and God against the atheistic Temperence Brennan. And I think she's starting to crack. However, I am afraid that when the show ends, they will Hollywood-ize Booth's faith. We'll see. Oh, did I mention Booth is portrayed by David Boreanz? ANGEL!!!

2. Why Every Good Catholic Should Watch The X-Files

We all remember The X-Files. That creepy music. The weird rolling clouds with "The Truth is Out There" scribbled on them. The X-Files is a show that is fiction based in truth. And though they had different approaches, Mulder and Scully were both searching for one thing - Truth with a capital T. But, again, we see the whole Truth vs. Reason theme at work in the pairing of Mulder and Scully (which is where I'm pretty sure Bones pulled from since there are references to the X-Files in the show). Only in this show, Mulder, the alien conspiracy theory believer, the one who believes in seeing the unseen, can't believe in God. Scully, on the other hand, the hardcore empirical scientist, is a devout Catholic and defends her Faith in God to Mulder. The show in itself, is inherently a Catholic one. If you've never watched The X-Files before, all nine seasons are available for instant play via netflix. You can come over to my house and we'll have an X-Files Party! Glowing aliens and the whole bit. However, if you don't want to venture into sci-fi nerdom with me, you could always rent the latest X-Files movie, which is also inherently Catholic and a stand alone (meaning you don't need to know any of the mythos to watch it). Because as we all know, "The X-Files is still relevant!" [insert J rolling his eyes]

3. I've decided to rename J to Heathcliff.

This name is much more beneficial as it describes him pretty accurately. Heathcliff, in literature, was a brooding, dark, angsty young gypsy boy who grew up and turned into a bitter old man (but only because his true love was his heart and soul and she died, so he lost his heart and soul. Poor Heathcliff!) But in his younger years, he was quite a dashing and charming guy. Heathcliff is also the name to an antagonistic orange tabby cat.

No, seriously, Heathcliff is doing much better these days. And in effect, we're doing better as well. :) I thank God for it.

4. The Lost Finale was kind of sucky.

I watched the show for the first four seasons, and then, I quit because the writing was terrible and the plot holes were so gaping. The finale, tried to assert certain inherently and explicitly Christian values, but ultimately, in my opinion, failed to do so. Though I do applaud their attempt, political correctness and wishful thinking precluded their writing from having and transcendent meaning. I'll wait another few weeks before discussing this so as to give people time to watch it and not give away spoilers. Also, anyone notice how I'm a sucker for pop culture + Catholicism? I've always been that way for some reason.

5. Also, going back to number 1, why didn't I become an archeologist?

Oh right, I thought I wouldn't make any money. But I'm not making any money now and I would much rather be digging up bones and discovering than trying to convince Freshmen that yes, the comma really does go there, and yes, it really is important, and you really do need it.

6. Speaking of money, I get paid Friday.

I'm dying for my paycheck as my accounting section at my workplace decided to "re-schedule" for accounting reasons when us part-timers would get paid. So, where as I thought I would get paid in two weeks at the beginning of the month, I actually was waiting another month to get paid! Ouch. I'm really getting sick of macaroni and cheese. First thing when I get paid, I'm treating Heathcliff and I to a good hot meal.

7. My friend gave me some really good news.

Not news about me. Just good news. Sometimes, when you're having a crappy day (as I had been), good news like that is all you need to hear to continue to hope for the best.

I feel like I'm not doing enough!

If you have been watching the news, you know Nashville is drowning, and the oil spill is threatening the entire Gulf Coast - animals and humans alike. I'm looking around and thinking, I've got the next three weeks off, how can I help?

IF there is one thing I hate, it's to see some one or some animal go unloved (albeit humans are more of a priority). I keep wanting to donate my time to the Humane Society, but I know I would come home with every cute kitten, and I would beg them not to euthanize any older, unadopted cats. So, I've been trying to watch for the coupons in the papers to score free pet food and supplies and when I get enough, take them down there.

I also keep wanting to see if the crisis pregnancy center needs help, but I'm not sure what their stance on life is (i.e. does it offer pro-life services or something else...)

But more pressing, I want to help the people and animals on the Gulf Coast. My family is from the Gulf, and my cousin wrote me a letter talking about the oil spill. She knew some of the people out there on the rig, but they came back ok. But she was telling me about the people who didn't. Little boys and girls who lost their fathers. And she was telling me that for a lot of people down there, working the rig is a way of life. Now what will they do? How will they pay the bills? Where is their family's food going to come from? Moreover, news reports are saying that this spill will wipe out most of Louisiana's seafood supply for the next year, and it's continually getting worse by the minute.

I told Joshua that we don't have anything to do for the next couple of weeks and if they were taking volunteers, we should go down and help. However, I don't think they are taking volunteers. But so far, this is the most practical thing I've found: if you're getting your hair cut or you cut your own, DON'T THROW OUT THE HAIR. Make sure you wash your hair before you cut it, then cut your hair, then sweep it into a ziplock bag. Hair naturally soaks up oil, and these nice people take the donated hair and old stockings and make what is called "booms." Volunteers then use these booms to soak up the oil from the spill and clean up the ocean for all the little critters.

What really irritates me is all this talk about going green and green this and green that and environmental responsibility, and then something like this happens, and it just doesn't feel like everyone (and by everyone I mean talking heads in the media) has a sense of urgency about Nashville or the Gulf. I feel like they just mention it because it's on the teleprompter.

But this is something I have firmly believed about the South, and something I discussed in my Master's thesis that you learn about the South and shows in its literature: The South may not be Christ-centered, but it is certainly Christ haunted. The reason we haven't flown away from the Faith is that as a region, we experienced our Fall in the aftermath of the war. We had nothing. All we really had to turn to after the war was our Faith. And whenever something like this happens to us as a region, we don't go praying to the government to fix us. We fall on our knees and pray, and then we do as God commanded us to do: Love your neighbor. I've never known of any good, true (notice the qualifiers there) Southerner to refuse to give help to someone in need, especially when it's our own.

I implore you, if you're cutting your hair anytime soon, save it because this spill is not letting up anytime soon because of the inability to cap the hole. And if I come to mass any time soon and my hair is significantly shorter, you'll know why. :)

This Has Gotta Be Quick But...

But thank God for adoration, and thank God that he answers, even when I am in the undeserving state that I am in. I've read before that you can't clearly hear God's voice when you're in need of confession, and I'm in need of it, but I was still able to listen and hear. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

For a while now, at adoration, at mass, just whenever really, I've been drawn to the Litany of the Sacred Heart as well as the chaplet of Divine Mercy (these are the graces for saying it). I've always been drawn to the Litany of the Sacred Heart because of the twelve promises Jesus provides, but more importantly, I just like the idea of being devoted to the source of infinite love. It's only been recently that I've been doing this more frequently, and if you have been tuning in, I've gotten some clarity on my state in life, and in turn, that has brought me great peace. It hit me tonight when I started going through the Litany this peace is a direct result of these two prayers.

Something I've been contemplating and felt pushed to answer, and even personally asked by Jesus within the past few months, is "What do you want out of life, Veronica?" At first, "it was I'm really not sure Lord." Then, it was "to get married and have children." Recently, though, I've realized these aren't good answers. This isn't what Jesus was asking me. Rather, He was seeking confirmation and asking the obvious as it seems He is want to do. Lately, I've been trying to make my answer, "To be a good Catholic and to please You, O Lord." I think this is the answer He's been looking for all along. And in this, I realized all my other wants and desires, I have to let go of. Those wishes derive from my specific will, and if I really believe that life is a means to an end, I've got to empty myself out to be able to do God's will because that is what I should want to do and that is what will get me to Heaven to be with God.

It's at this point I realized a while back that I should forego my desires and really just let Jesus show me what needs to be done. To paraphrase Mother Teresa's saying that I so love, "I am a little pencil in God's hands." Write with me what You will. I think this is also the time I began to be drawn to the Litany of the Sacred Heart and Divine Mercy chaplet and the idea of the missions.

There is something absolutely freeing in giving your desires completely over to Jesus as well as completely putting Your trust in Him. Although it is tough. I almost think this is one meaning of what he meant when He said, "come unto me like little children." Children aren't afraid to believe and trust people; they haven't learned how to be skeptics to the extent that adults are. I am blessed in that I really can just believe in people and God and Jesus so easily. It's almost too easy. I only hope that other people, especially skeptics and doubters, see my belief and are inspired as well.

Tonight, I went with the intention of my vocation, as I have been for the past two months. And tonight, I feel like I got some consolation. Answers to questions I've been asking when I really feel like I don't deserve them. I've asked J. to pray to Litany and the Chaplet and ask the same questions I asked during his hour of adoration. I'm hoping and praying he receives the same answers I got. If so, it would be wonderful. If not, I'll be upset, but I'll be ok because I will trust like a little undoubting child that Jesus has something wonderful planned for me.

If you have never devoted yourself to the Sacred Heart Litany or the Divine Mercy Chaplet, I highly recommend it. And I'm not just saying this because of the promises. I'm saying this in all earnestness - pray them with all your heart, give Jesus all your wants, wishes, and wills, and then let Him show your His infinite love and mercy. I promise you, He never disappoints if your will is compatible to His.

Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, graciously hear us, O Lord,
Lamb of God who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Hello Blog

It's been a while. It's that time of the year again. Exams. I always thought it would be easier on the other side, but turns out, you can't just cram grading work. Bummer.

I've been meaning to write about various assorted informative topics, but I somehow, I keep using this as a place to sort out personal matters.

In a few weeks, I will have been engaged for two years. A girl from Bed, Bath and Beyond called me to congratulate me on my wedding in two weeks. (I reset the registry last year for May 16,2010). I had the pleasure of having an extremely awkward conversation telling her that my wedding had been cancelled and that she could just delete the registry since I can't foresee a new date anytime soon. That breaks my heart. I cried all the way to work that day. Out of all my college friends, I was the first to be engaged, and now, I'm watching them all get married. It's really painful to try to be happy for someone who has something you want. . .

I think I've come to an impass. As for deciding what to do about my current vocational state, I do think I would make a good wife and mother. I think marriage is a possiblity for me. I don't know if J and I are really all that compatible. I used to think we were, but now, I more so think we aren't. I really feel like God would allow us to get married because he knows some good can come of it; however, I think His is will is not for me to marry J in particular. I think I was supposed to met him, become good friends, become a member of the church, and then part ways. I think I just let other things cloud my judgement (what little I had in my pre-catholic days). That's a bitter pill to swallow.

It seems I've recieved no consolation whatesoever in regards to this marriage. For instance, I was told yesterday there is no full-time position at my job this next school year (which made me feel like now is the time to go to the missions - another post for another time). He's moving back home. When we baby sat recently, though he was good with the children, he got no consolation about having a family. It's been almost two months since that major meltodwn, and I feel like if in 2 years and 2 months of extreme concentration on the subject if you don't know whether or not you want to get married, you're never going to know.

He admitted this. He feels like you can never be sure about your decisions in life. I disagree. Take that logic to its extreme, if you can't be sure of anything, you can't even be sure that God exists...I think you don't have to be sure of things by yourself, but if you're doing God's will, then you can trust that it's a sure thing...

Last night, I finally got him to talk to me some. He got upset that I was watching YouTube videos. However, in my defense, he was working, and it was my way of leaving him alone because I did all my work last week. He then proceeded to tell me that it was confirmation to him that we were not compatible. I agreed. Out loud. He looked shocked. I told him how I felt, how I thought I didn't like me as a person. He looked shocked at that too. I gave him a list of things he regurarly repeats of dislikes he has about me, which include but are not limited to: I'm not witty, I don't read, I'm overweight, I'm kinda lazy, I'm kinda slow-witted, I laugh too much, I don't take things seriously enough, I'm not very self disciplined, etc, etc, etc. I looked at him and asked, "if you have so many things you don't like about me, then what do you like? And why have you stuck with me for so long?" Again, a look of shock. He started to name a few things, but they weren't as numerous as the negatives. I told him, "I love everything about you. I have two complaints. You're overly critical and analytical, and rigid, but those things are just in your personality. You can control them." More shock. At this point, he started to back pedal, and then wanted to leave.

I am actually a little proud of myself here. I stood up for myself. I told him that he couldn't leave just because he had work to do. I told him that I would stay and put my job's reputation on the line if it meant I could help my relationship that I may or may not be losing. Plus, he's been late with grades before for just plain procrastinating. He decided to stay.

I did feel some consolation after last night. I feel like if we could talk, if he would talk to me, then we would be ok. But it's like pulling teeth, and I shouldn't have to pull teeth to get this to happen.

I feel like this is all on him. I feel like he's got to do some major footwork here and meet me halfway, or there's really just no point in staying because a relationship between us, as different as we are, without the fundamental basics, namely communication, just won't work.




It won't work at all.

P.S. Though it may seem like a depressing entry, I'm really quite relieved. There's a sense of clarity here that I haven't had in a while and that's a welcomed feeling, no matter how precarious my current situation is.