LOL

I just had to share this. Anyone familar with internet culture and Catholic should get a nice chuckle, if not bust a gut over this.

P.S. I'm saving a good one for St. Patrick's Day.

TechnoLogic (The Moral Way) (Pt. 2)

After going through and discerning fair use and copyright laws, I have arrived at the conclusion most of my DVDs, music, and some games are not kosher.

I literally almost cried last night when I realized that I'm going to be giving up A LOT of my favorite dvds that I WILL NEVER be able to afford. The X-Files is my FAVORITE, I mean FAVORITE TV show E-V-E-R. I have all 9 seasons of X-Files on dvd, but let's say they aren't legit. They took several days to attain and now, out they go. Just like that. That one really hurts because each season of the X-Files costs at least 50.00$ maybe 39$ used. :( I would rather pay the 50$ to know that I am getting a dvd that will work, so 50.00*9 = 450$ There's no way I can justify 450$ on dvds, even if I do know every episode by heart and would repeatedly watch the series 10 bajillion times over.

Another one of my favorites, Beauty and the Beast, has to be thrown out too. It's also not legit; this sucks too because Disney has put it in the vault. I can't buy this DVD again for another 5-7 years. That means I'll be 30ish if they choose to re-release this gem! And yet another movie I watch on a regular basis and know by heart, "Howl's Moving Castle" (which I believe might be out of print) has to be thrown away too.

Moreover, I've got a huge music collection from Japanese singer Ayumi Hamasaki. Every single and every album and every B-side she ever made. And out that goes, too. Again, I'll never be able to afford or justify buying legit versions as I'll have to import everything and it'll be around 25$ a cd or more if the cd is more rare.

On top of that, I still don't feel guilty for doing that stuff or for owning them or watching/listening to them. I still think record companies and dvd companies have been ripping the public off for years, and they deserve it. It literally costs maybe 2-3$ to make a dvd and encode it. The rest of that is all profit that goes to production values, actors, the studio execs. Irratating, to say the least, especially when it's so easy and affordable just to do it the immoral way. But, I'm not here to complain.

All this to say, I never really realized how attached to material items I could be! I can only hope God is pleased with all this because it really sucks!

Lord, give me strength to do your will.

TechnoLogic (The Moral Way)

I love gadgets. They're fun. I like to take them apart and see how they work and then put them back together again. But the one thing I don't like about technology is how it factors into an everyday life, and the ambiguity of the church's advice on what to do lest you come across a potentially sinful, even mortally sinful, occasion.

This entry comes about because let's say I used to know a person who was an avid downloader of cds, movies, and informative dvds. You name what you want, and he or she could get it for you, illegally that is. This person has the mentality of "it's so easy, and quite frankly, record companies have been ripping off people for years, so those companies deserve what they're getting."

Now, when you think about it, it does seem justified. But there's a couple of things wrong with this mentality. For one, this person is going against the laws of his country, which of course is a no-no. Second, when you pick it apart, it truly is stealing, which is also a no-no. Now, that seems pretty clear, right? Two major rules are being broken (so-to-say), so the answer is "no, don't download the cd even if you're getting ripped off when paying for it." So, instead of buying the cd, this person might go to youtube and listen to it there. Here's where things get hairy, thanks to the United States anal-retentive copyright laws.

Let's say someone else on YouTube uploaded this cd you wanted to buy, which is a rampant practice on YouTube. This is illegal and a violation of copyright law. By watching it, are you sinning? Because for every time you watch a video on youtube, you effectively help promote it in the user search so other people can find it. They, in turn, watch it, promote it, and the clever ones can even unencode it and get the cd for free (also a common youtube practice). At the least, watching the video might be venial, but then the ramifications are far reaching. So, you could potentially be helping someone mortally sin and not even know it! (And helping someone mortally sin is a mortal sin, right)? But the fun of discerning what isn't right and wrong with technology and copyright law doesn't stop there.

If you were a teenager growing up in the 90s, it was almost a rite of passage (and probably still is today) to make a mixtape (or mix cd). This is illegal under US Copy Right Law and not protected under fair use. (BOO!) In fact, everything that is copyrighted in the US in the past ten years has a renewable 75 year copyright on it, meaning it won't be in the public domain in your lifetime, and if it is, most companies choose to renew for another 75 years. Moreover, anything dealing with electronic media cannot be distributed as a gift to a friend or be sold. On top of that, backup copies of some types of electronic media (video games) aren't allowed because that, too, is a violation of copyright law!

Another example, I grew up with an NES, and my NES machine doesn't work anymore. However, all of my games still function. If I make NES software for my computer and encode the info from a game that I already own onto my laptop to play it, this is illegal. (Thank you Nintendo for renewing your copyright only two years after this practice became widely popular). Even though all my old favorites are available for download via the Wii, I'm paying 10$ for a game that I paid 20$ for back in 1990, and I still own a working copy of the game! Grrrrrr.

Yet another example, I have a broken understanding of Japanese, and I buy Japanese music to help maintain my listening comprehension. I wanted a cd from Japan that I tried to buy through US iTunes. It was not available. So, I switched to the iTunes Japan store, searched it, found it, pressed buy, and iTunes Japan declined me for not having Japanese money! The only way I can hear the songs is via YouTube where it has been illegally uploaded. I could just download the cd, but then again, we've already covered that. The only legal way for me to get this cd is have a Japanese pen pal buy it for me, buy it from an importing website or buy a gift card to iTunes Japan from an importing website. Grrrr again. It would be much easier to download it, but I won't because I know that it's wrong, not to mention all the gross, indecent ads these file-sharing and downloading sites are covered with.

So, what can you do regarding technology that's not going to somehow throw you into a venially or mortally sinful state? Fair Use covers educational materials, limited copies for personal use (such as digital copies of cds on your computer with no file sharing and placing the cd on your iPod, excluding video games because they have apparently a different set of copyright laws), parody, and news. That blows. Because even though there's a lot of indecent stuff out there, there is a wealth of information people could benefit from, such as the program Rosetta Stone where a person could teach himself any language he wanted. However, most of us can't afford the program at about 250$ for one language. But it's out there in cyberspace for free, and even though it's educational, it's been copyrighted, and to download it would infringe upon the copyright holder's rights and profit, and therefore, not covered under fair use.

An even though I am conscious of these things, I still don't quite feel a conversion of heart yet, nor do I feel that guilty about my adolescent days of burning mix tapes. I guess I just have to trust that I'm doing the right thing by abstaining from most of my old practices. I just wonder how many people might be aware of how technology has crept into our lives, subtly inserting small occasions of sinfulness? What do you think? Is my analysis correct or are copyright laws so ridiculous that they are unreasonable, freeing us from having to follow them?

Ash Wednesday (Reversed and Inverted)

I have a bad habit of reversing things. I suspect at times that I'm slightly dyslexic (even though my mother assures me that there's nothing as slightly dyslexic). I really can't help it. My brain sometimes switches things automatically. I'm notorious for committing spoonerisms (Daptain C's), spitting out non sensical sentences (I need some batteries for my money), and changing phone numbers (what? who is this? This isn't EMCC).

About this time last year, I accidentally switched something in my head. While I was attending Ash Wednesday services, I was listening to the words that were being said as everyone else received their ashes.

"Turn away from sin; embrace the gospel."

But my silly, slightly dyslexic brain switched it and thought, "Embrace sin; turn away from the Gospel." Immediately, I felt a flush of blood in my cheeks and glanced around to see if anyone had noticed. I meant to repeat mentally what was being said because I liked the sentiment behind it. I certainly didn't mean to think that; it just popped in my head that way.

This morning after I received my ashes, I laughed to myself about how silly that thought was. But then, this thought struck me: many people are living Lent's message in a reversed manner, not just now, but for most of the year. Many people, on an everyday basis, do, "embrace sin and turn away from the gospel." Why do we do this? The most obvious answer is because it's easy. Embracing sin means there are no morals to abide by, no sufferings to experience, and no higher authority to answer to except one's own selfish desires. The other answer is ignorance of sin, much like I was at this point last year.

This is why it's all the more important for those of us who will "Turn away from sin, and embrace the Gospel" to do it with much fervor. We need invert the predominant attitude among people, showing them the love of God and for God, not just by wearing ashes on our head one day a year or giving up a favorite food item or facebook for forty days, but we need to do this throughout the entire year. We should invert our whole year so that it always seems like we're in the spirit of Lent.

Lord, help me to turn away from sin and embrace the Gospel.

Blessed Are The Poor...

Today has been a long one, and I need to decompress. Writing is good for that. And before I begin this entry, a disclaimer: please don't take this as a 'woe is me' sort of thing. By no means am I throwing myself a pity party and then inviting others to it. And by no means am I trying to make myself look well-to-do either. All this is just pure honesty, and I hope no one is offended or off-put by this entry.

Yesterday, the Gospel reading at mass featured St. Luke's (partial) version of the Beatitudes. And while St. Mark expands on the line "Blessed are the poor" to include those who are downtrodden or afflicted spiritually, St. Luke features the more common meaning of poor - "not wealthy." Father did a very nice job of relating this to our current economic decline and reiterated to us that "Money should not become an idol itself." I do agree. But I would like to add something to his message. If you're poor, Jesus has got your back. He'll provide for you, but he'll only give you what you need. I know because I've experienced this many times.

I don't think I've ever been as poor as I am now. (And I use poor in a technical sense. If you look at my last fiscal year, I was either right at or right below the national poverty line. I think of people worse off than me as being impoverished. If I had money to give away to these people to help them, I would). This is quite a cultural shock (if you will allow the use of that term) for me. Again, I'm not bragging, but I came from a two earner household; I never needed or wanted for much. I asked for things, and if it was within reason, I got it, or my parents let me do some chores to earn the money. I was really spoiled.

For instance, when I went to Itawamba, my schooling, dormitory, and food was all paid for by the college via scholarships. I got a part time job and worked as much as possible. I brought home an extra 400$ before taxes, and I spent it all on clothes, gas, drinks,and food. (Hindsight: DUMB). I pretty much followed the same pattern (with some help from my parents) while at university and in graduate school.

But now, I struggle to make ends meet. There have been several times where I have cried wondering, "Bill x is due. where is this money going to come from?" and "I can't pay rent. I'm going to get evicted. where am I going to go?" My parents are no longer able to help me as one of my brothers is now in college, and my Dad's company filed for bankruptcy when the economy first crashed. My student loans are now demanding repayment, and I find myself stretched to my fiscal limits.

There have literally been times where I have had no food. I mean, really, no food, and no money to buy any food, not because I foolishly wasted my money but because that money went towards paying bills. And I would think to myself, "what am I going to eat tonight?" Amazingly enough, it seems like every time I was without food, someone from the church would invite Joshua and I over for dinner. There were times when I got home after the supper and I cried thinking, "This is how God loves me and provides for me. People in the church care about me, and they don't even know I'm on the verge of going hungry." More so, in contrast, I remember once before I became Catholic, because of a botched check, I had no money from my parents to pay for my electricity or buy groceries. (I used my paycheck to pay rent and everything else). If my memory serves me right, I went for about five days to a week without electricity, and I fed myself and my cat on cans of tuna. He got 1/4 and I got the other 3/4 of it. I do remember breaking down then and crying while holding my cat thinking, "Wow, this sucks. I don't have anyone who can help to take care of me. I mean, who's going to care for me if my own parents can't help?" It was a really sobering moment. But like I said, that's before I made Jesus a priority. It seems that every available instance afterwards where I was about to go hungry for a bit, food has magically appeared via someone at church.

In the same respect, there have also been times when money has been so tight, I truly have wondered, "OK God, where's it going to come from?" This past summer, I applied to ten different jobs, did three interviews, and all of them turned me down. I had enough money for one last month of rent before I would face eviction and be moving home. I can remember being at mass and again, almost in tears praying telling God, "Ok, God. It's do or die time. I need a job, and I needed it like yesterday if I'm going to stick around in Starkville." I kid you not- the next day my current employer calls me and says, "if you'll come down here to fill out paperwork, you've got a job."

Not too long ago, I was told my paternal grandmother had a bond for me that was of a decent sum. I told my Dad when he went down, he should get that money for me, so I could put it into a savings if I needed to get to it. He came, and he went, and he did not return with the money. In January, he went again. I thought I was getting paid February first, and my savings was running out. Then, my Dad went down to see his father again, and guess what - my Daddy stopped on the way back to the house in Amory with the money. It paid for rent, electricity, student loan, some groceries, and some gas. All I could think was, "Thank you Jesus, I've made it another month."

This past week my car broke down due to a dead battery. I haven't gotten a paycheck since last December. I won't get a paycheck for another two weeks. My car breaking down was the last thing I needed. Again, it was one of those times I thought, "Well crap. If I get this fixed, it leaves me with 20$ a week for groceries and gas." But I had already been taken care of. At work, I promised to help a co-worker out and sub for her. The day after my car broke down, she called me to work out the details, and she said, "I won't take no for an answer; I'm going to pay you for doing this." Around the same time, a friend of mine contacted me wanting me to proofread her paper, and she said almost the exact same thing. Yesterday, I had that overwhelming feeling again that this was how God was taking care of me.

There are times when I go through the mall and see a nice jacket or when I want something frivolous (such as an ocarina or a new wii game), that I'm a little pained that I can't afford it like I used to be able to. There are times I wish Joshua and I could go on "for real" dates and that we could go eat tasty food and not have to worry about the dishes. There are times when I walk by wedding displays, and I want to cry on the spot because I can't even afford a small, informal wedding. But I think of the times that money or food or even a job has just fallen into my lap, and when I think about it, I wouldn't trade that feeling for the world because I know I am loved by my Creator and that He will provide for me. Even though a strong, overwhelming feeling of love being shown by God for me is the primary blessing of being poor, there are several other blessings that I've received as by products. I've become less attached to things, and I spend my time doing more creative enterprises. I've become closer to the people who have invited me over for diner, and I've learned to trust God more. I want to help the church give away more food to the poor because I know how it feels, and I have a strong desire to do this myself for someone else in my position when I get older because I'll remember the kindness someone once showed me. The list could go on and on.

But all of these blessings hinge on one important factor: you've got to trust that God is going to give you what you need, and be very aware that you are not always going to get what you want. But really, when you think about it, what more do we truly need than to know God's love for us in a tangible manner?

RMP: The Kindergarten Catholic Primer

If you ever were to meet me in person, you'd probably find me a little bit awkward. Or at least I feel like I'm awkward, and I think sometimes people perceive me to be awkward. (And rightly so).

My social ineptness shows up most prominently on the telephone.

Also, if I don't say 'like' and 'you know' about fifty billion times in one sentence, I stutter.

But I'm good with the written word. On paper, I sound nothing like what I sound like in person. Why, I don't know. Maybe because no one is really looking. The party you're talking to is usually not there when you're writing (unless you're reading a poem or a short story, but I digress). It's also an added bonus that I don't stutter on paper.

The same way I feel awkward around talking to people is the same way I feel about talking in prayer. Really, really awkward. I'm notorious for just reciting already well-written prayers because I never know what to say or how to say it. If you've ever tried this approach, it can get boring very quickly and can lead to laxness in one's prayer life. (That's no good).

About two months after I was baptized last year, I had the fleeting thought of starting this blog. I quickly shrugged it off as I thought it was just nostalgia creeping in on me. (I used to keep a daily blog as a teenager. It was mostly filled with teen angst). Since blogging was a past time for me, I thought I was just missing it and the feeling would pass. Not so. About the six month mark, I had the thought again. This time, I considered the option of blogging more seriously, but then I thought, "well, I haven't even been Catholic for a year, so how can I even write about it?" That's when I thought, "well, maybe in a year." Well, here I am, almost a year later.

This past week, I've been participating in an extended Ignatian retreat. Part of what we're to do the first week is to pick out of some of God's graces in our lives. I feel like one of my graces is that I'm good with the written word. Moreover, I'm comfortable with it. The article I had to read for this retreat suggested keeping a journal and writing about my feelings in a letter to Jesus. I think it's at this point the light bulb went off for me. Of course! I could write Jesus prayers instead of mentally stuttering them or simply reciting pre-established ones. I could write this blog and show other people what Jesus has done and is doing in my life. Then, this morning, the Parish Life bulletin showed up. At the bottom of it, the creator was asking for contributing writers. And I immediately thought, "hey that's me!" I like to write, be it creatively or informatively.

All this to say, I'm not really here with a purpose. I like to write. I think my ability to write is a gift from God. I think I need to use it. And I think this is what He wants me to do. I don't think I would have wanted to do this for almost a year with an ever-growing desire to do it unless it was the right thing.

So, hello cyberspace catholics. My name is Jordan, but you can call me Veronica after my patron saint, and I'm the Kindergarten Catholic who has always got a rosary in her pocket.

This is just for cyberspace...

I know, I know, I told myself I wouldn't start this blog until Easter. And I'm not.

More and more I'm beginning to think that I should start it for Lent. It would be a real challenge for me to blog at least once a day with something semi-profound, if not profound and devote this time for meditation. Most of the time I'm either bumming around on the internet or playing video games anyway...But giving away those "leisure activities" for more lofty ones (i.e. more time writing on top of the 2-3 hours I try to spend writing anyway) well, that would be somewhat painful and draining. It would, in its own way, be a type of penance for me.

So if I'm not starting this blog now, then what am I doing writing you ask? I want prayers. And lots of them. Not for me, but for an old friend. When I converted to Catholicism, I had to leave a completely different lifestyle behind. I tried to remain friends with this person, but she wouldn't have anything of it; all she wanted to do was indulge in drunkenness, gluttony, and gossip, and because I didn't do those things anymore, I wasn't fun and got dubbed a "wet blanket." Also, she has a problem with catholicism and thinks it's like a cult. We went our separate ways, not by my choice, but by hers. And if she were to call me one day, I would be glad to hear from here, but I don't think that will ever be the case.

It's hard for me at times because at one point, I wanted her to be my maid of honor. Now, I'm afraid the gap is too wide for that or for us to even be as close as we once were. But I still know her inside out, and I still care for her very deeply. I always mention her in my prayers, but sometimes, I feel like it's just not enough.

I say all this because she is very feministic, very pro-choice, and very headstrong when it comes to religion. But deep down, I don't think she is truly any of these things. She's got a good heart, and I believe in that part of her. Just now, on facebook, she joined the Planned Parenthood cause (which somehow garners money from facebook?). It breaks my heart to see her supporting things like this when I know she wants a baby, a family, etc.

I know I'm only one person, but sometimes I feel like I'm not praying hard enough or loud enough. Somedays, I feel like I screaming prayers that just fall on deaf ears. But, I also know there is strength in numbers too.

I know there's people in Haiti who could use more prayers than she could. I know there are tons more souls to pray for, souls that actually want to be converted, souls that want to be saved. But aren't we supposed to reach out to those souls who cannot or will not pray for themselves?

So, if you happened by chance about this blog and read this entry, could you please spare a moment in your prayers and pray that my friend has a serious conversion of heart? It would mean a lot to me, and I'll be sure and say a pray for you as well as give thanks for your prayers.

Much love.

V