Rosary In My Pocket: The General State of Veronica (1)

This is going to be quick takes style. Because I'm lazy.

I like Muse. I did not know I liked Muse. I like the fact that I like Muse and a boy didn't tell me I should like Muse.

Every day I'm alone, it seems more and more like a blessing because I realize I know myself no better than I did when I was sixteen. I just became every boy I dated. I'm basically going through my adolescence ten years later. So I'm really not looking but open to the possibility of a guy. But really, I think even if I liked a boy right now, I could care less because I like getting to know myself.

I got a job tutoring 1-5 graders at the YMCA. It's a sweet gig. We did double dutch today. Extra cash is going to savings and the travel fund.

Speaking of traveling, I'm going traveling. I'm thinking London and Dublin for St. Paddy's Day. Alone. I think it would be very therapeutic for me. And I know I said it before (or at least I think I did), but I'm serious. I've started filling out passport paper work and looking into tickets and places to stay. I need to see the world. It's something I've wanted to do since I was young, but my parents blocked me from doing so or money prohibited me from it. There's no reason why I can't now, so I am while I am single and don't have a family to worry about, I'm doing it.

Before I ever dated any boys, it's all I wanted to do. In high school, I begged to be an exchange student. When I graduated high school, I didn't want to to go college; I wanted to back pack through Europe. It's why I studied the French language because traveling was a required component. And then I liked boys who also studied French and went to France without me and came back with French girlfriends, and I just separated myself from traveling because I associated it with no good heart breaking boys. But being alone has shown me, that it's always been Veronica who wants to travel. And so I think I should.

I've talked to Ireland. He really doesn't believe he did anything wrong and is completely oblivious to my side of the story. But we're on general talking terms. I actually talked to him for about thirty minutes tonight at Books A Million. How strange that I meet up with him after I stop caring about his attention. I know it's weird, but I think we'll be friends if I can bury the hatchet, which I'll try because that's the mature Catholic thing to do, right? (And obviously, I'm NOT getting involved with him romantically EVER again).

I don't know where God wants me right now, but I'm pretty sure I'm not getting a job around here because I'm not supposed to be around here. I don't know where I need to be, but I'm looking. I applying everywhere and anywhere. And I'm just totally open to all the possibilities.

I missed Heathcliff's birthday. Or rather, I didn't know if I should say anything. We had a short exchange a while back through e-mail, and his reply was very curt. I assumed that meant he doesn't even care to keep up as civil acquaintances. So I kept quiet. I think it's probably best this way as much as I hate for it to be like that because I get the feeling that's the way he likes it.

I'm just totally open to life right now. I've just had this attitude of "OK God, surprise me with something today." And it's working. I don't know what's in store for me, but I'm trusting Him, and I have a feeling it's something really big just right around the corner. I dunno what else, but that's just the vibe I get. For the first time in a long time, I'm hopeful.