Verbatim

Oh me.

Lots going on lately, including three girls trying to fight me and a friend of mine over old drama in a McDonald's at 2:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning. No seriously. I just laughed in their faces. (Don't ask what I was doing at McD's at 2:00 a.m. Okay, we had been drinking, but we were eating and sobering up).

Anyway, I got a job tutoring at the YMCA after school, and I get to be around little, little ones from Kindergarten to fifth graders and they are too, too much fun. Doesn't matter how awful a day I have at work, Tuesday is now the highlight of my week getting to talk to them. Here's some of the stuff they say:

1st grade boy: Miss D., let me touch yo' hair.
Me: Why?
Him: That's gotta be weave.
Me: Nope. It's my real hair.
Him: Let me touch it. I know weave when I feel it.
Me: Okay fine.
Him: You right. That ain't no weave. Dang you got some long hair!

4th grade girl: Miss D., take off yo glasses.
Me: I can't. I need them to see.
Her: You mean they ain't fo' looks?
Me: Nope. Blind as a bat without them.
Her: Well, take them off anyway.
Me: Ok.
Her: Ooooh, Miss D, you so much prettier without yo glasses. You must want to look like a nerd!

And this last one is slightly different from the fb post, so read it again for an even bigger laugh.

Me: looking at a picture of some cute boy on facebook after we had gotten done doing homework and were playing.
First grader: Miss D., is that your boyfriend?
Me: Nope.
First grader: You wish he was your boyfriend.
Me: Hahahaha. (Secretly thinking yes). But he's in London, England.
First grader: England?!? Where's that?!!?
Me: Here. I'll show you on a map.
First grader: Miss Doherty! That's too far away! How are you supposed to hold hands?!?
Me: I don't know. But I can't find any boys around here who like me.
First grader: It's not that hard. I can find you a boyfriend.
Me: You can?!? I can't find one. Where can I find a boyfriend?
First grader: At Wal-Mart. Or K-Mart. They're everywhere. What color do you like? I mean, do you have a color preference or you like all of them?
Me: *falls out laughing*