I said no.

So something kinda crazy happened the other day.

I said No.

I said no to something I had wanted and wished and hoped and prayed for a very long time.

While I might be stuck on Heathcliff in some respects, I don't want him back. But with Ireland, it was always a different story. I always wanted him back, even when I saw him in town or at a bar with another girl.

And not only did he apologize to me on facebook, but he texted me as well. I told him there was no way we could go back to how it was. If we hung out, I'd want to date, and I couldn't wager him over my friends. He agreed that he missed me, and if we were around each other, he'd still want to date too, but he realized he can't make me choose between my friends and him. And he didn't want me to, either.

So our conversation ended with no. Even though I wanted things to be different. Even though he agreed he would date me again.

What changed my mind? Following the sense of peace. Just when thinking about dating him again, I just got the sense it would be wrong, a mistake. And when I thought about leaving things as they are, I just knew it was right. And all this felt counter intuitive to my heart. But you can't go home again, right?

So, I said no. And I felt peace.

Plus, remember this guy? I kinda like him. So far, he's everything I like about Heathcliff and Ireland rolled up into one. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. But maybe it won't. Who knows.

I guess I'm still pretty much in shock I said no, in spite of myself. Maybe I am getting better at this whole "I listen to God" thing, haha.